Today's Heartwarming Christmas Story comes from the op-ed pages of The New York Times, in which a successful man, embittered by life, heartbroken by the partisan strife he sees everywhere, and disillusioned by the world around him, comes to know the joy that comes to someone if they... just... believe... in a jolly, white-haired fat man who is largely imaginary.
Oh, that Bill Keller. Christmas bells are ringing and the spirits have done it all in one night. (Of course, they can. They can do anything, can't they?) He is as light as a feather! He is as happy as an angel! He is as merry as a schoolboy! He is as giddy as a drunken man! He has visited with the spirits, especially the Spirit of Suckers Past and has found himself in the warm and cheery embrace of The Good Newt!
It seems that Keller journeyed to the heart of Newt's website and found some proposals on immigration reform that did not include rounding up everyone swarthier than himself and dumping the lot into the East River. This, in the spirit of the season, Keller applauds for being a reasonable approach to the issue brought forward by a Serious Man of Ideas.
(Note, to all vendors of magic beans, the Keller household is a seller's market!)
It should be noted that, before Keller's encounter with the spirits and his eventual discovery of The Good Newt, he makes a pretty good case that, on this issue, which his statistics conclude is waning in actual importance, the Republican party pretty much has handed itself over to outright bigots, dangerous armed fantasts, and xenophobic gasbags. He then concludes that left and right are equally at fault and finds a Republican to agree with him. This is the point in the Christmas story where Marley's ghost comes rattling up the stairs to confront the old sinner with his sins.
Of course, Keller's journey to seasonal bliss was a hard and arduous one....
More after the jump